Love Is...

On Tuesday December 14, 2010 my biggest fear – not seeing my child grow up or growing old with my husband became all too real.  Experiencing the worst pain (and a multitude of other symptoms) I had ever felt in my 26 years of life I frantically called and text my husband to come home.  When Chris got home he insisted that we go to the hospital.  Not wanting to move, I on the other hand thought all I needed was to “lay back down”.  We made our way to the car, took Jalayla to school and  made our way to the Emergency Room (mind you all of these places are on the same street - our house, the school, and the hospital).  This was the second time I was thankful for living just a couple miles from the hospital, the first time being when my brother had to be rushed there a couple months prior and ended up being hospitalized.  While there I saw a nurse and was instructed to go to the waiting area where I would wait for a room.  On this Tuesday in particular the sounds of ambulances were frequent causing there to be a backlog in the hospital not to mention coming in an ambulance trumps coming in your husband’s trail blazer so we had to wait.  As the pain worsened and my trips to the bathroom frequented those waiting in the lobby for their own ailments to be tended began to look at me with worry on their face.  Understanding that I had reached my limit my husband went to the nurse advising them that I could not wait.  Moments later my name was called (Thank God! I was in so much pain I had begun asking for him to take me).

Hours later I did end up having emergency surgery.  The operating room was prepared before my tests were finished so that it would be ready “just in case”.

According to the surgeon my surgery went very well.  Praise God!  While they initially planned to keep me they ended up discharging me (against my father’s recommendation). I could not wait to go home with my husband and daughter. Those last few moments in the hospital following me waking up from the anesthesia were mostly a blur with the exception of seeing my child smiling at me because “mommy was okay”  and later vigorously waving at me from the hallway.

Since being home my husband, mother, and daughter have been there every step of the way to ensure that I have a safe recovery.  Although my father and brother have not been able to here with me they have allowed their presence to felt through regular telephone contact.  Need I say I have been feeling the love.

One of my favorite comics is “Love Is”.  I’d like to share some of my own examples of what I have seen love to be over these past few days.

Love is your husband wiping your tears while holding a vomit bag over your mouth.
Love is your husband being a pillar of strength for the family.

Love is the countless prayers sent forth by those who love you.

Love is your husband taking your hand and praying for you before you are wheeled in to the OR.

Love is your mother, although sick, coming over just to watch you sleep.

Love is your coworker encouraging you to stay home and rest ( a blessing because otherwise you would have been on the road when the pain hit).

Love is your husband going to the store for you and sending you picture messages so he gets exactly what you requested.

Love is your mother and husband putting on your socks because you can’t and your feet are cold.

Love is your daughter holding your hand and walking you to the bathroom then standing there while you pee to make sure nothing happens.

Love is your husband setting his alarm to wake him up in the middle of the night so that he can bring you your pain medication.

Love is your husband standing there cheering for you as you try and drink a whole glass of water because the doctor said “drink plenty of fluids”.

 Love is your husband giving you and your daughter antibiotics because you both have been sick since Thanksgiving. 

Although reckless, Love is him giving you both kisses despite running the risk of getting sick himself.

Love is your father calling you constantly to hear your voice and to make sure that his baby girl is ok.

Love is your daughter wrapping you in a blanket so you aren’t cold and making sure you have a pillow too.

Love is your daughter telling her nana that she isn't going to cry because her mommy can’t come to her Christmas performance even though she is really sad because she wants to be strong for her mommy.

Love is holding back your tears because you are just as sad that you won't be able to attend.

Love is your daughter’s god mommy driving out to her god daughter’s school performance and arriving so early she saved nana and daddy a seat because her baby needs all the support she can get especially with her mommy not being there.

Love is daddy taping the performance for you so it would feel like you were there.

Love is your daughter’s tears when she sees her mommy cringe in pain and her smiles when she realizes everything is ok.

Love is a husband reaching over and holding your hand in the middle of the night because he knows that is exactly what you needed.

Love is your husband’s boss and coworkers sending home hugs and kisses because you can never have enough of those.

Love is having your husband’s phone and your phone inundated with calls and texts from your friends who did some investigating and found out you were sick and just want to make sure your okay.

Love is your friends letting you know that they are here for you and love you.

Love is your friend who lives waaaaay on the other side of the valley, who works full time with a husband, two kids, and a new puppy to take care, offering to bring you dinner.

Love is your friend making you laugh until your “stitches hurt” but its ok because you needed a good laugh.

Love is your dog sitting at you staring at you because she just wants to play with you.

Love is your husband, who knows you want to “lay on the couch for awhile”, turning on the Christmas tree lights so you have something pretty to look at.

Love is your grandmother calling you from the hospital to make sure YOU'RE ok.

Love is your mother sitting, coughing and watching you tie party favors thinking you are crazy for still having a party but then picking up some to tie too.

Love is your husband making your daughter French toast for breakfast because she really wants French toast instead of cereal and mommy promised her French toast.

Love is your brother calling you to ask where mom is and also to tell you that he loves you :)

Love is being determined to have the gingerbread house decorating party this weekend because you can’t wait to see the smile on your child’s face and because you know she has been waiting and waiting for this day to come (besides I only have to suck it up for a few hours and have next week to rest!).

Love is your friends texting you to let you know that it's okay to cancel the party.

Love is your friends all pitching in to share the load.

Love is your husband, mother, and daughter helping clean as you prepare.

Love is your mother cutting out 24 gingerbread men and hanging them for you because you are determined not to cancel your daughter’s Christmas party.

Love is your mother, still sick, coming over to spend time with you before picking up your grammy from the hospital.

Love is excitedly anticipating the warmth the presence of your friends will bring to your home during what has been a challenging time.

For me, love shows itself in so many ways.  Each day I have felt it in a multitude of acts of kindness and compassion.  The recovery process is going well to me.  I visited urgent care last night and overall I am doing well.  I am still in pain but no where near the pain that I was feeling when I came to the hospital Tuesday morning.  I’m feeling rather hopeful these days.  I look forward to a life where my norm is to “feel good” rather than “not good”.  I look forward to not having to push through days and events with a smile on my face because I don’t want anyone to worry.  I look forward to feeling like my best self and of course watching my child grow up and growing old with my husband.

As I write this I reflect on a message I recently heard in church where Pastor preached from Psalm 30.

Psalm 30 verse 5 – “...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

Its morning now…

Thankful for life and love,
HB