Falling in Love

Well hello February.  You came so fast I didn’t have time to say goodbye to January.  Which is kind of ok because January, frankly, you kicked my butt.  Of course sprinkled in between all the fanny kicking were lovely lovely moments such as bringing in the new year at church, realizing that I had one month left until transferring to an office closer to home, finishing all of my laundry, meeting Emily (we're going to be on her show!!!), celebrating special milestones in the lives of loved ones, and of course falling in love over and over again with my two lovies – Chris and Jalayla, oh and our little Stella too.

This year I set out to be grateful.   I found that finding a reason to be grateful in the mist of my challenges changed the way I saw and responded to things.  Need I say it has hardly been easy and while I would love to bore you with details what I will do instead is share is my newest venture - Project me :) mmm hmm you read that right – me.  I have decided that I am working on making ME – Krishann – a priority.  Let’s face it I’m a “helper” that’s why I chose a “helping profession” and why I am always one of the first to volunteer to well uh, um – help.  And, while I find so much joy in doing things that make other people happy I need to find a balance so that it’s not at my own expense (or my family’s), out of feelings of obligation (cuz that's no fun) and so that I don’t slip back into my former profession – “people pleaser”.  I am ready to surround myself with people who pour into my life just as I do with them.  I remember hearing a message from Bishop Noel Jones a couple years ago during which he preached about people who deposit into your life and those that withdraw (and withdraw and withdraw) – there must be a balance.  I feel like my expectations (not very high these days) of others perhaps are a reflection of my own feelings toward myself and perhaps it is time to raise the bar. 

I mentioned falling in love with Chris and Jalayla over and over again.  The two of them are my gifts from God and they do bring me such joy but I am ready to fall in love with Krishann again too.  So one day at a time I will take things.  I need to worry less about what other people say and think and do what makes me happy.  One more time – I need to worry less about what other people say and think and do what makes me happy.  I need to stop worrying about being everyone’s go to girl ( “yes (wo)man” psssst) and what will happen if I don’t help out and invest my time and energy into the things that matter most – to me because I’ve got three cute little ATMS over here and I’m trying to make some nice deposits.  I also need to remember that I am valuable and precious if not to anyone else – to God and to ME.

So like I said I’m working on me.  Recently I was reminded that if I don’t take care of me how can I be any good to those that mean the world to me.  I was told next time I go get a pedicure (dare I go without Jalayla) remind myself that I am also doing this for my family (the other day when I stopped at Rite Aid to get a taste of nostalgia and got some yummy ice cream – that was for Chris and Jalayla :) ). But I get it, really, I immediately saw the correlation as in our home along with colds and yawns happiness is contagious.

So here’s to February a month where love is working overtime.  Here’s to chocolate kisses, homemade valentine’s cards and stickers (because we heart valentine's day stickers) and here’s to Black History Month – gotta represent.  Here’s to showing people that you love them by what you do. Sure telling them is nice too but haven’t you heard "actions speak louder"?!  And here's to ATMS may you have an equal amount of deposits and withdraws (No overdrafts alright?!).  Oh and let’s not forget, here’s to falling in love with ourselves over and over again <3